silently screaming.

really.
it feels like crap sitting in this freezing library, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, even though i feel myself cracking beneath the stoic exterior.

trying to wrap a fireball in paper.

very upset.

hate it when i get these huge tsunamis of emotion that wreck me inside, and outwardly, i appear so placid, so passive, so apathetic.

it just tears me apart.
i feel like screaming out loud.
yes.
really. now.
but fuck, i'm sitting in the middle of the library...
alongside abt a hundred others.
what can i do?

but yes, i am screaming inside.

so much to say, so much that i feel.
an entire barrage of emotions that i can barely articulate.

WHY?
WHY?
WHY?
WHY?

i don't know.
feel that i'm really going mad.
seriously.not just a figure of speech.
but find myself on the brink of sanity.
the threshold between that appearance and the truth.
it's being breached.
slowly but surely.

lent Veronika Decides to Die to my dad.
i think i want it back.
i need to identify with her.
i want to identify with her.

sigh.

why am i having this conversation with you?
why am i upsetting myself?
why do i walk in the pouring rain and be lashed by the gales when i can hide in the comfort of my room and sip hot cocoa?
why?
i don't want to know.
maybe, these self-annihilating gestures serve as some sort of reprieve for me, a form of self-punishment meted out to quell a restless heart.

maybe. maybe.

-taken from another's blog.

|moz| was here at 1:02 AM | 1:02 AM