the animal inside us.
you know those tv mobile adverts that start with a 'do you believe in faries' line? it, for one reason or another, stirs up a complete mish-mash of ranging emotions within me everytime it views.
my cousin, and the only cousin that i've ever been able to talk to, once got kinda involved in those kind of things, musical-drama based performances, with the choir parts, simaltaneous dancing etc etc, and their group got to travel the world to perform.
a far-fetched link i know, but instinctively, i start to re-collect the memories, and start to re-feel the emotions attached with the memories.
memories of camps.
spending time in a shared place
a place we could call ours for that moment in time.
staying overnight
waking up in the middle of the night and having midnight strolls
reflecting in the moonlight
talking to yourself and finding you're not so alone.
midnight strolls
reflecting in the moonlight
and talking to the friend you've found.
its different from spending massive amounts of time together, or even sleep-overs. its the going someplace else and having it as residence kind of thing. common purpose. common identity. i think i've had it before. many times, tho each not to its full depth. reminiscence.
i'm still having the hangover from what seemed so high on friday night. it occurred to me on the way home how some of the highlights of the movie may run parrallel to that night, that friday night. its a different kind of experience from the chalet kind of experience. but both are highly addictive. both just sweep me off completely, leaving me there, nothing to say.
i seem to be doing either two things.
one is just losing all sense of logic, forfeiting all control, going on auto-pilot and just doing what my emotion tells me to. that night, i will go home thinking about it and trying to rationalise it all with logic. and sometimes with regret. the alternative thing is to apply logic during the event and ridding myself of the proper emotions i wld normally feel as in the former stance. this , awareness, officialising, acknowledgemtn of existientailsim thing seems to be a destroyer of the emotions. but those moments may have been the most real moments in my life. the rest seem to be so distant, as if i were watching my life jsut pass in front of me, thru a pair of random eyes as visionaries, as tho i had no say, as tho i forfeited all control. (but just a moment ago, i said these moments were also the most enjoyable ones. the ones i suffer hangovers from, the ones i wished to relive again.)
it doesnt just apply in my memory, but in relationships as well. that and my dad telling me about our primal instincts in love and how its factors are all actaully scientifically proven. science. -signs of disgust-
in one example,
i guess the boyish-emotional side of me would tells me there is a one. i've never questioned this. while logic and the grown-up wannabe says that perhaps it makes sense and more real to say that a large part of our future is decided by our actions. but what abt the big picture. the view from above. if you see it than you'll understnad.
my cousin, and the only cousin that i've ever been able to talk to, once got kinda involved in those kind of things, musical-drama based performances, with the choir parts, simaltaneous dancing etc etc, and their group got to travel the world to perform.
a far-fetched link i know, but instinctively, i start to re-collect the memories, and start to re-feel the emotions attached with the memories.
memories of camps.
spending time in a shared place
a place we could call ours for that moment in time.
staying overnight
waking up in the middle of the night and having midnight strolls
reflecting in the moonlight
talking to yourself and finding you're not so alone.
midnight strolls
reflecting in the moonlight
and talking to the friend you've found.
its different from spending massive amounts of time together, or even sleep-overs. its the going someplace else and having it as residence kind of thing. common purpose. common identity. i think i've had it before. many times, tho each not to its full depth. reminiscence.
i'm still having the hangover from what seemed so high on friday night. it occurred to me on the way home how some of the highlights of the movie may run parrallel to that night, that friday night. its a different kind of experience from the chalet kind of experience. but both are highly addictive. both just sweep me off completely, leaving me there, nothing to say.
i seem to be doing either two things.
one is just losing all sense of logic, forfeiting all control, going on auto-pilot and just doing what my emotion tells me to. that night, i will go home thinking about it and trying to rationalise it all with logic. and sometimes with regret. the alternative thing is to apply logic during the event and ridding myself of the proper emotions i wld normally feel as in the former stance. this , awareness, officialising, acknowledgemtn of existientailsim thing seems to be a destroyer of the emotions. but those moments may have been the most real moments in my life. the rest seem to be so distant, as if i were watching my life jsut pass in front of me, thru a pair of random eyes as visionaries, as tho i had no say, as tho i forfeited all control. (but just a moment ago, i said these moments were also the most enjoyable ones. the ones i suffer hangovers from, the ones i wished to relive again.)
it doesnt just apply in my memory, but in relationships as well. that and my dad telling me about our primal instincts in love and how its factors are all actaully scientifically proven. science. -signs of disgust-
in one example,
i guess the boyish-emotional side of me would tells me there is a one. i've never questioned this. while logic and the grown-up wannabe says that perhaps it makes sense and more real to say that a large part of our future is decided by our actions. but what abt the big picture. the view from above. if you see it than you'll understnad.