this is one example of why i need to move over the diary-x gang. passworded entries. that function sure comes in handy.
Vodka. A Bittersweet Symphony.
i was counting back. it's been almost 5 months. 4 and a half maybe.
of all times, all times, why now?
re-cap.
Alchohol, After effects of.
Sometimes, i feel very much that i'm living a life where i was at the mercy of the wine.
Innitially, all seemed well.
a fancy party, a lil sip of the alchohol and feeling good about it.
one sip led to another and one glass to the next.
before my rational mind could react, i had been delusioned by the addictivness of feeling 'high'.
although, the little logic i had left told me i was to soon lose all sanity, i went ahead with the drinking anyways.
i still daresay i thoroughly enjoyed myself.
hooked, i might've been, but it seemd worth the price.
and i defiantly parried any doubt that i was an alchoholic.
than one day, out of the blue, some 7 months later, i got convicted and swore to never touch the cursed drink again.
of course, i tried to negligible results till i firmly put my foot down.
the next morning, my head ached so bad i became all unproductive.
but i held my stand.often, i would take a stroll, and a bar happened to be along the way.
i could literally hear the shouts of wine calling out my name.
tempted i was at that time, but i strutted past quickly or took an alternative route.
my reason for refraining form the drink, contrary to common belief, was not because i hated it for what it did to me,but rather, i had not yet learnt to manage abstaining myself from large amounts of alchohol.
after a while, having busied myself at work, i could get up better in the morning.
but it didnt excuse me from collegues inviting me to a pub once in a while.
even without any form of external pressure, i, admittedly, cannot deny the fact that i still had dreams of reuniting with drinking. of course, in controllable quantities.
but i was still a long way from completing my bond.a bond i had set myself, a bond of an alchohol-free lifestyle.
painful it was in the beginning, but i have little regrets.
when i look at my peers who face similar issues to mine, but had not the dodgedness to make a clear stand and distinguish the almost intangible safe amounts and to take a temporary hiatus from the 'narcotic', i am glad i made the right descision. my friends, they never broke free from the addiction. narrow is the road, and i chose it.
1 more month, and my O's would have been completed, with a promising score i hope. 1 more month and i could return to the enjoyment that i discovered, now nearly a year already. now, having nearing the going through the testings of it all, i can patiently wait that last month and of course occupying myself with the dreaded exam.
but if course, just because i want it to happen doesnt mean that it will. i did some very foolish things along the way. will the Alchohol forgive me. we'll see when the time comes.
-October 11th
Dude... leave the alcohol. I love Vodka, but hey... abstinence is a powerful weapon hehehehe. We'll go get drunk and be jolly after Os la. Yes, I still love Vodka (The literal sense of the word Duh. No calembour intended)
-Existentialist
It has swallowed me in and spitted me out, leaving me with nothing but memories of those high, but at least they're good ones. Though I'm more a molotov cocktail kinda person. Y'know, the fire in my mouth and all.
Bring me along for ur next round.
-Fuhrer
as for alcohol. it's not an addiction... it's essential, and u're fortunate to have found yours. don't worry cos it'll withstand the test of time; the older wine is, the better it gets. doesn't oxidise into acid so long as u store it properly and cherish it. not everyone finds a real bottle in the huge cellar that we're in, and so many get lost in the dark - some never find their way.
cheers ~ drink deep.
-bringer.of.darkness
Applause! Go Keng Wee the Chem genius (ok don't kill me, i mean -Chemistry-, you know, like... Chemistry? Well you're good in both areas anyway)... I keep spilling my vodka though... Can't find the perfect "breed", perfect "date", yea it stinks.
-Existentialist
after hearing a phrase, i suddenly realised that alchohol can read blogs. and from there, they know you're weakest moment. and they know how to catch you at that moment of weakness.
but the fact that i gave in showed something.
i remember once, i was told by a uni student that by even abstaining from the drink, it shows that i still have the 'want' for it.
everything shows something.
it's just that initially, i was supposed to put on a front. no, i am affected no more. and supposedly in that process, kill certain feelings. not mine, but anothers. palpably, metaphors have their limits. so i'll leave this stage as it is. maybe one day, i can retype this using the actual meaning.
but of course, i still cant deny that i have a soft spot for the, for the... hydrocarbon. (haha)
not just obliged to to do a favour, or compelled to be nice, but, well, its called a soft spot right? that's self-explanitary.
last night was like a formal dinner. and out of the fear of trouble, i said wine would be fine.
i took it for business reasons. but, my intentions being all normative, the secret pleasure of it dipped in.
the reason why i took the contract, was because of previous examples.
i understood not a bit of the logic behind it.
the final argument that won me over was the fact that m leaders, being leaders were more experienced. they prob understood the situation far better, and so, i trusted their descision.
i couldnt say: hell, i'm 16 years old, i know how to handle my life. i know my limits.
that sounded kinda whimpy huh. furthermore, as i posted sometime earlier, you never know when you've matured, because there's always another level of maturity that you'll never be aware of till you reach that level. so i accpeted the fact that i couldnt understand.
so i took the bond. the plan was, after 6 months, show that the 6months didnt change anything.
but somehow, that line was cut at 5. i hope its still valid.
there's alot of things i really really really want to say. but i cant. i might've given it away already.
and because i cant, i wont.
ha.
Vodka. A Bittersweet Symphony.
i was counting back. it's been almost 5 months. 4 and a half maybe.
of all times, all times, why now?
re-cap.
Alchohol, After effects of.
Sometimes, i feel very much that i'm living a life where i was at the mercy of the wine.
Innitially, all seemed well.
a fancy party, a lil sip of the alchohol and feeling good about it.
one sip led to another and one glass to the next.
before my rational mind could react, i had been delusioned by the addictivness of feeling 'high'.
although, the little logic i had left told me i was to soon lose all sanity, i went ahead with the drinking anyways.
i still daresay i thoroughly enjoyed myself.
hooked, i might've been, but it seemd worth the price.
and i defiantly parried any doubt that i was an alchoholic.
than one day, out of the blue, some 7 months later, i got convicted and swore to never touch the cursed drink again.
of course, i tried to negligible results till i firmly put my foot down.
the next morning, my head ached so bad i became all unproductive.
but i held my stand.often, i would take a stroll, and a bar happened to be along the way.
i could literally hear the shouts of wine calling out my name.
tempted i was at that time, but i strutted past quickly or took an alternative route.
my reason for refraining form the drink, contrary to common belief, was not because i hated it for what it did to me,but rather, i had not yet learnt to manage abstaining myself from large amounts of alchohol.
after a while, having busied myself at work, i could get up better in the morning.
but it didnt excuse me from collegues inviting me to a pub once in a while.
even without any form of external pressure, i, admittedly, cannot deny the fact that i still had dreams of reuniting with drinking. of course, in controllable quantities.
but i was still a long way from completing my bond.a bond i had set myself, a bond of an alchohol-free lifestyle.
painful it was in the beginning, but i have little regrets.
when i look at my peers who face similar issues to mine, but had not the dodgedness to make a clear stand and distinguish the almost intangible safe amounts and to take a temporary hiatus from the 'narcotic', i am glad i made the right descision. my friends, they never broke free from the addiction. narrow is the road, and i chose it.
1 more month, and my O's would have been completed, with a promising score i hope. 1 more month and i could return to the enjoyment that i discovered, now nearly a year already. now, having nearing the going through the testings of it all, i can patiently wait that last month and of course occupying myself with the dreaded exam.
but if course, just because i want it to happen doesnt mean that it will. i did some very foolish things along the way. will the Alchohol forgive me. we'll see when the time comes.
-October 11th
Dude... leave the alcohol. I love Vodka, but hey... abstinence is a powerful weapon hehehehe. We'll go get drunk and be jolly after Os la. Yes, I still love Vodka (The literal sense of the word Duh. No calembour intended)
-Existentialist
It has swallowed me in and spitted me out, leaving me with nothing but memories of those high, but at least they're good ones. Though I'm more a molotov cocktail kinda person. Y'know, the fire in my mouth and all.
Bring me along for ur next round.
-Fuhrer
as for alcohol. it's not an addiction... it's essential, and u're fortunate to have found yours. don't worry cos it'll withstand the test of time; the older wine is, the better it gets. doesn't oxidise into acid so long as u store it properly and cherish it. not everyone finds a real bottle in the huge cellar that we're in, and so many get lost in the dark - some never find their way.
cheers ~ drink deep.
-bringer.of.darkness
Applause! Go Keng Wee the Chem genius (ok don't kill me, i mean -Chemistry-, you know, like... Chemistry? Well you're good in both areas anyway)... I keep spilling my vodka though... Can't find the perfect "breed", perfect "date", yea it stinks.
-Existentialist
after hearing a phrase, i suddenly realised that alchohol can read blogs. and from there, they know you're weakest moment. and they know how to catch you at that moment of weakness.
but the fact that i gave in showed something.
i remember once, i was told by a uni student that by even abstaining from the drink, it shows that i still have the 'want' for it.
everything shows something.
it's just that initially, i was supposed to put on a front. no, i am affected no more. and supposedly in that process, kill certain feelings. not mine, but anothers. palpably, metaphors have their limits. so i'll leave this stage as it is. maybe one day, i can retype this using the actual meaning.
but of course, i still cant deny that i have a soft spot for the, for the... hydrocarbon. (haha)
not just obliged to to do a favour, or compelled to be nice, but, well, its called a soft spot right? that's self-explanitary.
last night was like a formal dinner. and out of the fear of trouble, i said wine would be fine.
i took it for business reasons. but, my intentions being all normative, the secret pleasure of it dipped in.
the reason why i took the contract, was because of previous examples.
i understood not a bit of the logic behind it.
the final argument that won me over was the fact that m leaders, being leaders were more experienced. they prob understood the situation far better, and so, i trusted their descision.
i couldnt say: hell, i'm 16 years old, i know how to handle my life. i know my limits.
that sounded kinda whimpy huh. furthermore, as i posted sometime earlier, you never know when you've matured, because there's always another level of maturity that you'll never be aware of till you reach that level. so i accpeted the fact that i couldnt understand.
so i took the bond. the plan was, after 6 months, show that the 6months didnt change anything.
but somehow, that line was cut at 5. i hope its still valid.
there's alot of things i really really really want to say. but i cant. i might've given it away already.
and because i cant, i wont.
ha.