Snowflakes - Second Guessing.
I was doing the innane thing of reading past email messages - inbox and outbox. its just slightly less narcissistic than scrolling through blog archives, and its one of those things i havent read for sometime.
two things caught my attention, and they might well be inter-related.
the first is the fact that i dont reply a large number of my emails. and i think the second is like it.
nothing cld better elucidate it than the following quote that most certainly arouses a deep sense of nostalgia.
.
.
.
oh dang. i'll just lift the email -
Hey moz..
Its been rather long since we last talked..i guess many things were left unsaid or we jus simply didnt express how we feel...and stuff jus screws up somehow..have been feeling quite distant away from u..many a time i tot to myself that maybe its jus me..i'm tinking too much..but i know that we are somewhat walking away from each other..and i dunno wat is the problem..it gets me thinking that maybe we werent that close aft all..but deep down i know we had sth more than tis and i dun want things between us to end up tis way..awkward and stuff..becos it wasnt like this before!!!!!!!!!!!!
eeks!its really sucks to know that u may lose someone that u love and trust...i really miss all the things we did together..missed the times when i knew that someone will always there no matter wat happens..really really wanna tell u abt all the stuff that has been happening..but i guess u dun need that right now..maybe later when u hav settled all that is in ur mind..i really hope everything will be ok soon...
and than there was this bit she said -
..and we agreed that we could never quarrel even if we had opposing views on sth or grow cold to each other?and i said quarrels may strengthen the friendship and maybe we could try it one day?
i dont know why. but for some reason, i didnt reply this. and this wasnt the only one.
in any case, better this way than for me to hinder and impede on things that need to progress.
we never did quarrel. things just faded into a state of non-existant-ness.
ultimately, i think the main reason behind all these problems is really my fear to confront. its more than a fear really. to me, its just unthinkable that one is to confront another on such contagious issues. that, and maybe i think too much into things. bad things. and hence, the cynic remains.
and thats why i havent had a good quarrel with anyone since sec2. and the person that i had a quarrel with, is still a good friend. one of the few friends that i have followed thru these years. even if he'd buy 5 boxes of star potatoes.
than again, i've had my fair share of a cold war. but there was something higher that untied us. something that'd supercede individuality and personal preferences. and thus, we didnt have a choice did we?
but maybe, its also the best way to let things be, especailly when you know that mutuality is going hollywood. natures path perhaps.
as for a totally spereate category - my best guess is that i'm weary. weary of meeting new people. i am truly sorry if i've offended you. not that anyone comes here.
i've reached a stage whereby i've come to believe that messaging on the phone is an unacceptable from of communication, unless it is for pure infromative purposes. i dont love peple as much as i used to, as much as i beleived one shld make compromises for.
http://typelogic.com/isfj.html
sometimes, i wish that i cld turn back time and enjoy those times once more. i dont even have pictures to rejuvenate them moments, and more importantly - them great ppl.
i know this is really lackiing in fluency - and largely becuase it was interrupted by other pressing matters.
maybe i'll come back and rethink this and than explain myself better.
But you wont get to see the tears i cry
Behind these hazel eyes
two things caught my attention, and they might well be inter-related.
the first is the fact that i dont reply a large number of my emails. and i think the second is like it.
nothing cld better elucidate it than the following quote that most certainly arouses a deep sense of nostalgia.
.
.
.
oh dang. i'll just lift the email -
Hey moz..
Its been rather long since we last talked..i guess many things were left unsaid or we jus simply didnt express how we feel...and stuff jus screws up somehow..have been feeling quite distant away from u..many a time i tot to myself that maybe its jus me..i'm tinking too much..but i know that we are somewhat walking away from each other..and i dunno wat is the problem..it gets me thinking that maybe we werent that close aft all..but deep down i know we had sth more than tis and i dun want things between us to end up tis way..awkward and stuff..becos it wasnt like this before!!!!!!!!!!!!
eeks!its really sucks to know that u may lose someone that u love and trust...i really miss all the things we did together..missed the times when i knew that someone will always there no matter wat happens..really really wanna tell u abt all the stuff that has been happening..but i guess u dun need that right now..maybe later when u hav settled all that is in ur mind..i really hope everything will be ok soon...
and than there was this bit she said -
..and we agreed that we could never quarrel even if we had opposing views on sth or grow cold to each other?and i said quarrels may strengthen the friendship and maybe we could try it one day?
i dont know why. but for some reason, i didnt reply this. and this wasnt the only one.
in any case, better this way than for me to hinder and impede on things that need to progress.
we never did quarrel. things just faded into a state of non-existant-ness.
ultimately, i think the main reason behind all these problems is really my fear to confront. its more than a fear really. to me, its just unthinkable that one is to confront another on such contagious issues. that, and maybe i think too much into things. bad things. and hence, the cynic remains.
and thats why i havent had a good quarrel with anyone since sec2. and the person that i had a quarrel with, is still a good friend. one of the few friends that i have followed thru these years. even if he'd buy 5 boxes of star potatoes.
than again, i've had my fair share of a cold war. but there was something higher that untied us. something that'd supercede individuality and personal preferences. and thus, we didnt have a choice did we?
but maybe, its also the best way to let things be, especailly when you know that mutuality is going hollywood. natures path perhaps.
as for a totally spereate category - my best guess is that i'm weary. weary of meeting new people. i am truly sorry if i've offended you. not that anyone comes here.
i've reached a stage whereby i've come to believe that messaging on the phone is an unacceptable from of communication, unless it is for pure infromative purposes. i dont love peple as much as i used to, as much as i beleived one shld make compromises for.
http://typelogic.com/isfj.html
sometimes, i wish that i cld turn back time and enjoy those times once more. i dont even have pictures to rejuvenate them moments, and more importantly - them great ppl.
i know this is really lackiing in fluency - and largely becuase it was interrupted by other pressing matters.
maybe i'll come back and rethink this and than explain myself better.
But you wont get to see the tears i cry
Behind these hazel eyes